During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,"It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it'sweighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in lovewith your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, andliked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was acompletely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's ca! lled "falling" in love... because it'shappening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think aboutthe imagery of that expression. It implies that you were juststanding there; doing nothing, and then something came along andhappened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It'sthe natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phonecalls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not alwayswelcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, insteadof being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if youthink about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic differencebetween the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller oreven angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start as! king, "Did Imarry the right person?" And as you and your spouse re flect on theeuphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire thatexperience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. Peopleblame their spouse for theirunhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity[including pornography] is the most obvious. But sometimes people turnto work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusivesubstances.
However, the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside yourmarriage. It lies within it.I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. Youcould. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the samesituation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'llNEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to"make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression, "thelabor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And mostimportantly, it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make yourmarriage work.Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specificthings you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed in yourmarriage.Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet andexercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in yourrelationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause andeffect.
If you know and apply the laws, t! he results arepredictable... you can "make" love
===***from my friend email
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